the one thing i know for sure

source: sometimessweet

  I used to write a lot. All the time, actually. So much so that one semester during my brief but amazing college experience, I took six (SIX!) English and Writing classes. NeverhaveIever written as much, read as much, or thought as much as I did that semester. Naturally, you could imagine my excitement when I saw that Danielle Hampton over at SometimesSweet was doing a new feature called "Journal Day!" I think she posts a new topic each week and there have been one or two before, so I'm stepping onto the court a little late in the game. Nevertheless, I'm here writing, and today's topic is one thing you know for sure. 

                           "Do what you love and fuck the rest."- Little Miss Sunshine

  If I could drill anything into the minds and hearts of my future kiddos and anyone around me, its to stay true to yourself in absolutely every way possible. I may not know everything but the one thing I know for sure, is that you have to do whats in in your heart all the time. You'll go crazy if you don't and will feel underwhelmed all day, every day.

  When I was in high school, I ran with the punks. Like, mohawk-in', bum-flap wearing, filthy skinny black jean sporting, body jewlery'd, loud music listening, super artsy and secretly talented type teenagers. And I loved them so much. The few that we were, were awesome and I was one of them. Since I am an inherently nice person, I got along with other students enough not to have garbage thrown on me. Nowadays its awesome to dye a bit of your hair a color thats not found in nature. But back then? Yeahnotsomuch. 

   One day two of the girls on my bus decided that I should try out for the cheerleading team. They must have still been on a confidence high from the time a few months before when they successfully convinced me to go to the homecoming dance. This kind of participation in a school-spirit related event was unheard of amongst my friends, who in their angsty youth were the first to damn whatever Man was in their way. The truth is though, that I loved attending the homecoming dance and I wanted to tryout for the cheer team so badly. The girls were both on the team, one of them was a captain, and they knew they had my mom's support. Yet another win for them. They were also willing to (shhh) teach me parts of the routine that would be taught at tryouts to kind of give me an edge over the competition. For some reason, I ended up asking my friends what they thought about me trying out for the team as if I honestly thought that it was a good idea. The very sight of a school jersey, no less a cheerleading uniform, made these kids cringe. As it should, right? Why would this band of misfits want to support the very people that made them feel insecure about being who they were? But no one really ever messed with me. So, I guess I didn't really see the harm in joining the cheer team. 

   Needless to say, I was shot down left and right. Discouraged and afraid of losing my friends, I passed up the opportunity. Wanna know what really sucks? If I said that I talk to any of those friends I had once a year to this day, it'd be a lot. For the most part, I can't even remember who I asked. Isn't that terrible? I could have been an awesome cheerleader. And lord knows it could have done amazing things for my almost non-existent self-esteem at the time. I wish I would have just found the courage to do what I wanted, what I thought I could love, and trust that if my friends judged me for it, then they werent really my "friends" to begin with. But, alas, I wasn't true to myself and I honestly do regret not ever trying out.

  So, that was kind of a bummer, huh? Don't be bummed! I'll end on a high note and remind you that it really is so desperately important to stay true to your self and honor your dreams and wishes in this beautiful life you're lucky to live. :)